Tag Archives: Biological fathers

Hitting a Dead End

I hit a dead end in my search for bio dad. Ok, that’s a stretch. Finding my biological father seems next to impossible so I’ll be happy to get a few nuggets of information about the man, who’s a stranger to me.

Last week, I tried to reach a distant cousin. As an adult, she lived with her mother for a while and her mother was very close to my adoptive mom.  I have a hunch there could be a family tie linking my birth parents to my adoptive parents. My cousin might know something, I thought.

I left a couple of messages for people with my cousin’s last name in Green Bay, Wisconsin, her last known place of residence. The phone rang at 11:30 one night. I was in bed. My cousin’s son was on the phone. A little groggy, I explained what I was looking for. Sorry, he said, but my mother passed away a little over a year ago. She was about 65.

Damn! Why didn’t I reach out to my cousin sooner? I should have started this mission a long time ago.

Image
Courtesy of Flickr/Al-HikesAZ

It would be nice to know my father’s name, occupation, ethnic background and medical history. Of  course, that’s not all I want to know.  I would love to find out how he met my mother and what kind of guy he is. Are we alike in any way?  Do we look like we could be father and daughter? Did my father have other children?

I assume my father would have to be at least in his 70s and possibly older. It is quite possible my dad, like my birth mother, is deceased.

Finding out you’re adopted is not the kind of news you want to hear as an adult. I found out in September 2002. To say it’s unsettling is an understatement. I turned the information around in my head several times but that’s as far as it went. I had no burning desire to find my birth parents. That would have meant unraveling my life story to an extent and exposing myself to something that could be ugly. I wasn’t ready to go there.

Years passed. I got used to the idea of being adopted and started to ask questions and poke around into the past. Of course, by waiting so long, I lost opportunities to talk to older relatives who probably knew a great deal about the adoption. My godparents are gone. They were very tight with my adoptive parents, who are also deceased.

I am kicking myself for not starting this search sooner. Do any of you also regret not having looked for biological family earlier? Tell me I’m not alone!

Advertisements

Questions for My Father

Now that I know something about my birth mother, I am eager to find out about my biological father.

I grew up thinking I was German on my adoptive father’s side and Polish on my mother’s side. Cousins tell me I definitely look like I could be a biological relative.

My mother had dark eyes and black hair and may have been part Native American. I have blue eyes, naturally dark brown hair and fair skin. Maybe I look more like my father than my mother.

I am curious about the man who gave me my DNA. Is he still alive? What did he do for a living? What kind of man is he? How did he and my mother meet? Did he know my mother was pregnant with me? Was he aware of the adoption? Did he have other children? If so, that means I have siblings.

Image
Courtesy of Flickr/Enigma Photos

Tracking down bio dad could be like searching for a needle in a haystack. I’m not sure how to look for this guy. My mother is deceased so I can’t ask her. The people I’ve talked to about my mother don’t have any good leads on who my father could be.

While I’m filled with questions for this man, I am also a bit wary about finding him, assuming he’s still alive.  I did a Google search on “how to track down your biological father.” High up in the search results was a New York Times  article about a writer who found her birth parents. The headline – “I Found My Biological Parents, And Wish I Hadn’t” – reminds me of the risk involved in this kind of pursuit. In the article, the writer discusses the very strange first meeting she had with her dad.  When they said good-bye, he asked his 37-year-old daughter if she wanted him to take her to Disneyland. That was the last time the writer saw her father.

That article reminded me of “Flirting With Disaster,” the 1996 comedy starring Ben Stiller as a man on a mission to find his birth parents. He finds them and the results are hilarious.

For me, nothing could be more serious than searching for birth parents. Only Hollywood could make a funny story out of it. (By the way, I recommend “Flirting With Disaster,” if you haven’t seen it already.)

Have any of you found your birth fathers? How did you find them and what was the reunion like?