Questions for My Father

Now that I know something about my birth mother, I am eager to find out about my biological father.

I grew up thinking I was German on my adoptive father’s side and Polish on my mother’s side. Cousins tell me I definitely look like I could be a biological relative.

My mother had dark eyes and black hair and may have been part Native American. I have blue eyes, naturally dark brown hair and fair skin. Maybe I look more like my father than my mother.

I am curious about the man who gave me my DNA. Is he still alive? What did he do for a living? What kind of man is he? How did he and my mother meet? Did he know my mother was pregnant with me? Was he aware of the adoption? Did he have other children? If so, that means I have siblings.

Courtesy of Flickr/Enigma Photos

Tracking down bio dad could be like searching for a needle in a haystack. I’m not sure how to look for this guy. My mother is deceased so I can’t ask her. The people I’ve talked to about my mother don’t have any good leads on who my father could be.

While I’m filled with questions for this man, I am also a bit wary about finding him, assuming he’s still alive.  I did a Google search on “how to track down your biological father.” High up in the search results was a New York Times  article about a writer who found her birth parents. The headline – “I Found My Biological Parents, And Wish I Hadn’t” – reminds me of the risk involved in this kind of pursuit. In the article, the writer discusses the very strange first meeting she had with her dad.  When they said good-bye, he asked his 37-year-old daughter if she wanted him to take her to Disneyland. That was the last time the writer saw her father.

That article reminded me of “Flirting With Disaster,” the 1996 comedy starring Ben Stiller as a man on a mission to find his birth parents. He finds them and the results are hilarious.

For me, nothing could be more serious than searching for birth parents. Only Hollywood could make a funny story out of it. (By the way, I recommend “Flirting With Disaster,” if you haven’t seen it already.)

Have any of you found your birth fathers? How did you find them and what was the reunion like?


3 thoughts on “Questions for My Father

  1. I’m an adoptive parent who has just been matched and chosen by a birthmother and we’ve chosen open adoption. I hope she stays in our lives for years to come and is able to answer all the questions the child might have.

    I hate that there are so many questions left unsaid. And you’re right about Hollywood putting a funny spin on it but the reality is there’s a 50/50 shot either way of how it’ll go and what it would feel like.

    I hope you find the answers you’re looking for.

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